Wednesday, May 27, 2015

Breakfast and Genocide: A Tale of Three Omelets

Hello LilyOnTheLam.Com Readers:

I am back from vacation - the beautiful Grace Bay, Providenciales in the Turks & Caicos Islands!  It was an absolutely wonderful trip and I am rocking a fantastic tan.  (I know the status of my flesh color is very important to all my readers - no need to thank me for this update.)  

When I do "tropical" vacations, I have to ratchet down my "Now, NOW, NOW!" mentality and slow myself down to "Island Time."  When I first arrived in Providenciales, I had to deal with the immigration staff working on "island time" (a.k.a. a snail's pace).  So when I was getting ready to leave Turks & Caicos on the 9:10 a.m. American Airlines flight, I decided to get to the airport super early in case the bag check and the security personnel were working on "island time" speed.  

I arrived bright and early but no one bothered to tell me that the security line doesn't open until 7 a.m. and here it was 6:40 a.m.  Luckily the airport restaurant (Gilley's Restaurant and Bar) was open.  I figured this was God's way of telling me to have an omelet, since I had not yet eaten.

In addition to being one of the least expensive meals on Turks and Caicos (restaurant food is so expensive in the TCI!), I have to say my omelet at Gilley's was like going back in a time machine.  This omelet tasted exactly like the omelets my mother occasionally made for me as a kid.  (This may have something to do with the fact that the Gilley's omelet had a large amount of American cheese [in addition to ham, peppers and onions] and our impoverished family was no stranger to a gigantic block of welfare cheese.)  

Regardless of the reason, every bite of this omelet tasted like my childhood breakfast.  It blew my mind that my tastebuds could transport me on a journey across time (I am 974 years old, after all).  And btw, the omelet was pretty tasty.  Win-win!    

My Omelet Time Machine

Gilley's at Providenciales Airport

I love it when there are pickled peppers and several bottles of hot sauce on my table!

I flew back to Miami, Florida.  On the flight, I finished reading the terrific book "The Girl On The Train" by Paula Hawkins.  I usually only read non-fiction, but for this book I made an exception.  Also while I was on vacation, I read Melissa Rivers' book "The Book of Joan: Tales of Mirth, Mischief, and Manipulation" about her mother comedienne Joan Rivers.  That book was beyond fantastic and if you are a Joan Rivers' fan, you must read it.  I had the great pleasure of seeing Joan Rivers' one woman show in Los Angeles.  It was amazing to see such a tiny woman be such a dynamic powerhouse.

While driving from the Miami airport back home to Tampa, I stopped in Bonita Springs for lunch and ordered - another omelet!  This one did not remind me of my childhood but it was still yummy.  I have a Tater Tot obsession, so I was a little too excited that the Bonita Springs Perkins Restaurant now offers "Tots" as one of their side dish options.  

Perkins' Restaurants now have TOTS - spread the word!

So are you keeping score?  Two omelets in one day.  So what did today bring?  Work was so crazy busy that I didn't have time for breakfast, but I did get a break in my day to run out for lunch.  And what did I have?  Omelet #3!  Sheesh - is it lack of originality or a protein-deficiency?

Omelet #3 from Village Inn may not look pretty but it was pretty tasty (and attention Perkins, the ham pieces in the Village Inn omelet were not microscopically small like in your omelet!)  

I was getting ready to dive into my Village Inn omelet when the people at the table behind me were talking about the fact that a friend's daughter was on an archeological dig.  Well, this is definitely a higher cultural topic than I usually hear at the local Village Inn chain restaurant.

But then the table started discussing what the friend's daughter was excavating ... mass grave sites.  Ugh.  I ordered a side of hash browns with my omelet, not a side of genocide.  

Then the gentleman at the table said "And what about her other child?  Doesn't he have ADHD?"  

The woman responded: "No, Tourette's."  

I almost dropped my fork.  Seriously?  Am I seated next to the Debbie Downer table?  I could hear the "waaaaaaaah wah" Saturday Night Live TV show sound effect in my head.

People, please!  No mass graves.  No children with Tourette's.  Just sunshine and rainbow conversation while I am eating yet another omelet.  PLEASE!  Is that too much to ask?  

I think I am done with my omelet kick now.  Time to move on to some other egg dish with potato accompaniment!  And hopefully the conversations around me will also migrate to other less depressing subjects.  But even if the depressing topics do not change, I can always look at my Turks and Caicos pictures and smile.  Here are some for your viewing enjoyment ...

P.S.  This little guy was in my room in Turks and Caicos.  If you are a long time reader of, you will know that I have a baby gecko phobia.  (Read about it here: Lizard Blocked)  I let out a scream so loud that I probably shattered the baby gecko's ear drums.  Two days later, while I was packing I discovered that the baby gecko had set up residence in one of my sandals.  I dropped the sandal and screamed bloody murder.  The baby gecko will probably be suing me for intentional infliction of emotional distress.  I'll be counter-suing.  Waaaaaaaah wah!

Thanks as always for reading!

Tuesday, May 19, 2015

Oh The Crazy Excess! (Review of Ben and Jerry's Peanut Buttah Cookie Core Ice Cream)

Hello LilyOnTheLam.Com Readers:

Every now and again, you need to "Treat Yo' Self" to something great.  I usually do "new product reviews" (products that are new or new to me) on Wednesdays, but in the "Treat Yo' Self" theme I am switching it up to a Tuesday!  

I had an absolutely fun weekend with belly dancing, Persian food, pool parties, watching the sunset on the Intercostal and lunch from a British double-decker bus food truck.  But how do you top a weekend of fun activities?  I was relaxing in the air-conditioning when I spied an advertisement for what seemed like heaven sent nirvana OR gluttony fat fat shame in a bucket - depending how you look at it.

The advertisement was for Ben and Jerry's Peanut Buttah Cookie Core Ice Cream.

Peanut butter ice cream with crunchy peanut butter sugar bits, peanut butter cookies and a peanut butter cookie core.  

I was so intrigued by this advertisement that I literally jumped out of my chair and went to the store.  (Btw, thank you Ben and Jerry's website for having a locator showing which stores sell which flavors.  Technology is fabulous!)

Now to really savor the moment of this peanut laden ice cream, I had to set the mood.  And in my case, setting the mood means watching "RuPaul's Drag Race" while wearing my Team Bianca Del Rio "Really Queen?" tank top.  My inner drag queen-loving gay man loves his ice cream!

At first glance, I notice that this Ben and Jerry's ice cream has the most calories per serving than any other B&J's ice cream I have ever eaten - 320 calories.  And come on, how many of us actually only eat "one half cup serving" of Ben and Jerry's?  Evidently the "peanut buttah" is going to make people's butts expand exponentially. 

The peanut butter ice cream is very rich and decadent.  The "peanut butter sugar bits" were awesome and I wish there were more.  The "peanut butter cookie core" was a bit of a misnomer.  It reminded me more of peanut butter fudge versus a peanut butter cookie.  Back in grade school we made this deadly peanut butter fudge - if I recall the ingredients were powdered sugar, corn syrup and peanut butter.  I seriously have no clue why I didn't die of a diabetic coma from that PB fudge!

The one "off note" on this decadent ice cream is the "peanut butter cookie chunks."  They had absolutely no flavor whatsoever.  They could have been shortbread for all I knew.  (Which by the way Ben and Jerry's, I miss Cool Britannia ice cream and Pink Lemonade Sorbet - BRING THEM BACK!  Cool Britannia was vanilla ice cream with strawberries and fudge covered shortbread.  HEAVEN!)

This ice cream was very very rich and very very sweet.  If you are worried about portion control, perhaps this is the right Ben and Jerry's for you because I couldn't imagine eating a ton of this ultra rich ice cream in one sitting.

If you're having major peanut cravings, check out this ice cream.  But I think I would have been just as content eating a scoop of vanilla with some crushed honey roasted peanuts on top!

Have you tried any of Ben and Jerry's new cookie core ice creams?  Tell me what you thought of them in the comments section below!


Monday, May 18, 2015

Another "Intoxicated in the Asian Dollar Store" Story!


I am back!  I have been on a mini hiatus - which loosely translated means "making other activities a higher priority than blog writing."  Also my hard drive with many months of pictures for "future blog posts" crashed -- so there goes that! I am justifying my next round of whirlwind world traveling as "pertinently necessary" to restock photos for future blog posts.  I do it all for you, dear readers!

If you are a long time reader of LilyOnTheLam, you may remember my self-proclaimed award winning post:  "Why It's Not A Good Idea To Get Drunk And Then Go To The Asian Dollar Store."  And if you don't, click on the link and read it - it is fabulous, people!

Recently I found myself in a state of deja vu ... except this time instead of being drunk in a mall of Vancouver, I was hopped up on pain killers in Berkeley, California.  Evidently the Pacific Northwest drives me to use intoxicants!

I have been having some issues with my back (I'm 974 years old!), so on a gloriously sunny day in Berkeley, CA I took my legally prescribed painkillers and then decided it'd be a great idea to walk around the UC-Berkeley campus.  Sigh ... sometimes I think I need to hire a nanny (or a manny - a male nanny... or a sober living coach) to keep me in line!  

I first stumbled upon Smart Alec's Intelligent Food (website here) on the fantastic Telegraph Avenue.  Like Evos in Tampa, Smart Alec's has "air fries" - baked French fries.  I like to order air fries because I can pretend I am being healthy.  I ordered the veggie chili covered air fries.  (Because why be naughty with just fries when you can be even naughtier with CHILI FRIES!)  One thing I miss about living in California is the spicy food.  Smart Alec's chili was SPICY!  And I loved every hot minute of it.  

I will admit that I was feeling rather spacey on my pain killers as I polished off my "healthy" chili fries.  I realized I was staring off into space and probably looked a little off my rocker.  However Telegraph Avenue has many people who look off their rocker, so I think I fit right in.

Then in true mature fashion, I decided I needed to shop ... while on pain killers.  The Asian Dollar Store gods smiled down upon me as right before me was Daiso Japan - an inexpensive Asian store.  I grabbed a basket and before I knew it I had it completely loaded with things I absolutely had to have.  Did I mention I was loaded up on painkillers while shopping?

I not only purchased items for myself, but for select friends ... Select friends who would appreciate such items as a hedgehog duster ...

or a panda loofah ...

And really - at $1.50 each, don't we all deserve a panda loofah?  Treat Yo' Self!

I also bought my mother a pair of really long socks that had individually separated toes - like gloves but for the feet.  It seemed like a really good idea at the time.  Again, did I mention I was loaded on painkillers?

I will tell you that every person to whom I gave these Asian Dollar Store gifts, gave me the same exact look of "WHAT THE F**K?"  Listen, just be happy you're getting a gift from me and don't judge!  

I am not sure why the Asian dollar store gods tend to place Asian dollar stores in my pathway when I am somehow inebriated, intoxicated and/or incapacitated.  It's like a bizarre Greek myth.

Rest assured dear readers that while I have not been blogging a lot lately, I still have been doing a glorious job of scaring people all around the world with my antics.  Stay tuned for more!  And as always - thanks for reading!

Wednesday, April 8, 2015

Nutter Butters Are Not My Favorite Travel Destination

Hello LilyOnTheLam.Com Readers!

I have been on a writing break for the past 2 months - which will probably last a few more months on top of that - but I had to write a quick post about something that has been annoying me lately.  SPAMMERS.  

It's like I left my house on the frontier and arseholes came to squat!  Well I am putting on my prairie bonnet, loading up my musket and reclaiming my land!  Spammers for a company I refuse to name, have been loading up the comments section on my blog.  They have been pretending to comment on my post in very broken English but really the main goal is to put in links for a tour company.  Or at least I think the link is for a tour company - I refuse to click on the link - it could be some sort of cyber scam for all I know.

I realize this happens on comment boards all over the globe, but my tiny little blog has been relatively free of such nonsense until now!  (Despite the number of Eastern European "readers" that try to link to my site.)  

To wake up every morning and to find notifications that these jackholes have attached more of their ads to my blog posts is INCREDIBLY ANNOYING.  

If you want to advertise at LilyOnTheLam - PAY ME!  

I have been reporting and blocking in the vain hope that these vermin will move on.  

I am so annoyed by it all that 99% of me cannot enjoy the humor of their ridiculous broken English, but every now and again one bad comment post has me chuckle even for just a second.  So today, the spammer wrote a comment on my Nutter Butter Cookie Cheesecake Truffle Ball recipe post.  Something to the effect of: "Nutter Butters are my favorite travel destination too - check out the tour at"  

Listen, I am all for the transcendent properties of sugar.  And I must admit that I allowed myself to get whisked away with some Reese's chocolate peanut butter bunnies this past Easter.  BUT NUTTER BUTTERS ARE NOT MY FAVORITE TRAVEL DESTINATION!  

So to any potential scammers, please view this picture of my cat Finnerty - who himself can be quite the arsehole at times -- and know that if you continue to load my blog with your fake comments, this is the animal who will creep into your home and vomit on your head. 

I assume tomorrow I will receive a notification that a spammer has written a comment: "Cats named Finnerty are my favorite travel destination too!"

Happy April, Readers!  Look for more tales on my travels or Nutter Butter cookie consumption, in a few months.  Take care!